In a feat of handshake autopilot that could only be achieved by Mr Business, Mike Bloomberg, the Democratic presidential candidate has been caught on camera … shaking a dog’s snout.
That’s right. Shaking its snout. “I regret to inform you that Mike Bloomberg attempted to shake a dog’s mouth,” reported journalist Christopher Hale from the front lines.
Now, the former New York mayor has surely shaken a lot of hands in his time. It is said that 10,000 hours of practicing any hobby will turn anyone into an expert, but in Blomberg’s case it has just turned him into a dog snout-shaker.
Maybe he was thinking of that phrase about taking something by the horns, and couldn’t see that the dog wasn’t a bull … or couldn’t remember whether the phrase was about a dog.
Maybe he shakes plants when he meets them too, alongside the fingers of babies and door handles. Whatever his reason, he’s not the only politician on the world stage who has struggled with handshaking etiquette.
Donald Trump doesn’t like his handshakes to end. When he shakes hands with world leaders, he exudes real “please don’t leave me” energy. Which is why the president features three times in the competition for worst handshake ever.
You know the vibe when you just wanna be friends but it’s just not working out? During then British prime minister Theresa May’s White House visit in 2017, Trump was channelling that vibe. As they walked along the colonnade, Trump reached for May’s hand, grasped it and then gave her a little pat before they parted ways. Trump later snubbed her for a handshake during a 2019 visit, with all the attitude of a man who laments having being “friendzoned” after being sent 50 texts saying “You know we’re just friends, right?”
Trump also gave the Japanese prime minister a handshake which lasted no less than 19 seconds. That is a timeframe that makes unbearable things even more unbearable, like public speaking and exercise. The look of relief on Abe’s face at the end is palpable.
Trump has had two handshake battles with the French president. Neither has been pretty. In the first you see the two men grimacing at each other as if they’re arm wrestling, while close-ups show Trump’s fingers clasping and unclasping in what can only be interpreted as a plea for mercy. In the second, Macron is seen yanking his own hand back after Trump pulls it towards him. We imagine he does this while thinking the unspoken words: “Don’t touch what you can’t afford.”
Of course, we don’t just want to pick on Trump. So here is a reminder of the time that the Canadian prime minister found himself caught between the affections of then president Barack Obama and Enrique Peña Nieto of Mexico. Trudeau started with a double back pat, which if he were English, would come accompanied with the phrase “On you go!” But they both wanted more, and Trudeau couldn’t choose – so he went for both.
I am going to deliberately misinterpret this moment as Jeremy Corbyn going for a handshake (although it’s clearly a high five) – because when is a handshake not a handshake? When it’s a high five, which turns into a boob pat, which is a reminder that you should always just go for the handshake.
